I'm still working on it...

Dropping in a post now, because I have a few moments where I feel relatively calm right now. These past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of bad luck. The kind where it leaves you wondering what you could have done to deserve this. But, I know myself and I know that I have been through difficult times in the past and I will land on my feet. I always do. Really there is no other option.

A small outline of what turmoil I'm going through is:

M is moving out. She is going to live with S. This is seriously bad for me. Selfish I know. I brought her into my home to help her out of a bad situation and myself as well. However, since she has been here she has not held up her end of the bargain at all. Not responsibilities, not financial, not personal growth. It will hurt me for her to leave, but in many ways it will make some things easier. I do need to figure out how to stretch my money better in light of this though. I am also dismayed at all the bad choices she makes in her life. But it is her life, not mine. I offer gentle advice at times, but only she can make her own way.

I messed up my bank account to the tune of $500. This is the first time in my 32 years of life this has happened. I'm ok with it because I'm human and bound to make a mistake a some point. It's just happened at a very inconvenient time. I've been struggling to get my finances under control and this felt like a huge failure. It was nearly a month ago, and I am still not recovered from it, not even close.

Things with Will are wonderful as always. He has been really helping me work on the house in his visits. I really wish we had more time together. He holds my heart completely. I have so much respect for him and everything he does. It's rare to find such a genuinely good person.

My toilet on the 3rd floor backed up and is backing into the tub, so says M. I had a horrible row with the home warranty company and the plumbing company they were sending out to do the work. I won't go into all the painful details, but by the end I was crying at my desk at work at how they were treating me. The warranty company is not making me pay the $55 service fee for this ordeal and my Realtor is looking for a new plumber to do the work now. It may end up costing me upwards of $600. Very difficult for me to pay, but I have no choice, as I need to shower on a regular basis.

All the gages on my car have stopped working. It's very hard to drive when you don't know how much gas you have or what speed you are going. This happened about a week and a half ago. I took it into the shop and they said it was a pinched wire and fixed it for $20. Since then, it happened again and again. I dropped it off this morning so they can look into in detail. I await a phone call and the bill, for an unknown amount.

The computers keep not working at work. I fall further and further behind on a daily basis. It's so stressful to not be able to meet all my deadlines. I know there is not a single thing I can do about this situation, it's completely out of my hands. But with everything else going on, I just don't have any patience in reserve at this point. I worked until 8pm on Friday to try to catch up and it didn't even make a dent.

I'm sure there is more that I am leaving out, but those are the big ones. I've been head achy, sleepless, back pained and high strung. It's a terrible feeling like everywhere I turn, everything is crashing in on me.

But I always land on my feet. Because I have to, there is no other option.

Work In Progress

This will probably be a blog in parts today. I feel some momentum coming on. Here's the problem though. At work, I feel so darn tired! Brain fuzzy, I just want to crawl under my desk and snooze. However, when I get home I feel all wound up. The joy and exuberance of being home. I find it hard to go to bed. I don't want my home time to end and my work time to begin.

Being tired at work is not an ideal situation. There are too many things going on. I need to be on top of things. It also causes me to make bad food choices. Like today, I ate McDonald's, even though I had packed a lunch. I felt mentally that I needed a lift for being somewhere I didn't want to be. This cannot continue. It is destructive to my waistline and my wallet. I need to find strength.

I did my Small Thing today. Organize your baubles! I pulled down the jewelry hanger my grandparents had gotten me for Christmas and put my jewelry on it. I've been meaning to do it forever. Now it is done and I actually have my earrings paired! Wooo!

I have a load of laundry in, and next I will be doing the bills. My motivation for the bills is that the Roomie needs the current due balance. She is out applying for some waitressing jobs to help her along. She hasn't been able to pay me anything in over a month and she was already past due at her last payment with a carryover. I love her and I hope she gets this night job. Sadly though, helping her is sticking me financially. This happens to me all the time! I don't know why.